News:

We’ve achieved a certain mathematical symmetry as a league, six teams at 3 – 3, three at 4 – 2 and three at 2 – 4. I don’t know what the significance of that is (if any) but it suggests no one is presently poised to run away with a lead or be eliminated from contention early and that’s a good thing.

Scoring was a little light this week and I owe that to the combination of injuries and bye weeks setting in. This middle section of the season is a bit like those Iron Chef shows. You’re at your workstation, happily working on that Alfredo sauce they told you to make. Things are going pretty well but all of a sudden, someone comes along and takes your nice piece of Parmesan away and replaces it with Velveeta – or worse, Betty Crocker cake frosting.

You’re just supposed to figure it out… but how? Using a spoon instead of a spatula is one thing but if enough adversity piles up, it can descend into absurdity. Fantasy benches and NFL depth charts are certainly being tested. Some NFL teams are getting close to the Betty Crocker icing but fortunately we have more options than some of them do.

Random thought of the week:

The NFL trade deadline is approaching and with it, speculation about where certain players could be heading. This is just my annual PSA the NFL is not baseball or hockey. Trades do happen but really impactful ones (fantasy wise) are rare. Still, you can’t help but wonder about guys like Brian Thomas Jr and the Texans’ suddenly crowded receiver room…

Shark move of the week:

A collective honourable mention to those who barely managed to field a complete line-up this week due to byes and injuries and yet still managed to scratch out a narrow margin of victory. Archie had seven zeros on his bench but did enough to slip past the Claymores. The Piper had six zeros on his bench but eked out an even narrower win. Lastly Grid had six bench zeros as well but did enough to secure the weekly win too.

When it comes to the shark award though, it doesn’t always come down to victory or defeat. This week’s award goes to Ken who rolled with Germie Bernard for a cool 25.70 points. Who is Germie Bernard? I don’t really know but I’ve been forced to add “Germie” to my browser dictionary so it will stop underlining his name. Germie is like Rudi – a man of the people. Preparation meets opportunity.

In all seriousness though, he had 11 receptions on 12 targets and when your QB is Aaron Rodgers and he gets tired of watching other guys drop passes, he will do something about that. He can make Germie a thing (and make one or more of those other guys invisible).

Guppy move of the week:

In the interest of brevity, I need look no further than the father and son law firm of Vandy & Vandy for the guppy award. It was difficult to choose between them but ultimately I decided runner up goes to junior, who had an empty RB starting spot in his line-up but one of Mitchell or Davis wouldn’t have really made the difference. And let’s face it, it’s not like his dad can help him with this kind of homework.

By the process of elimination, the award this week goes to senior who granted, did win but did so despite his puzzling loyalty to Bo Nix. Bo has had one really good fantasy game this year and admittedly, a pretty tough schedule so far. Sometimes guys get off to shaky starts and eventually work through it but I’m unsure why Neil would risk Seattle being the opponent he was going to do that against (he did not).

As someone with Jaylen Waddle, I’ve been watching this situation. Bo Nix’s average yards per passing attempt this year is only slightly above the number of letters in his name (5.6 yards / attempt). Among QBs with over 500 passing attempts, that is dead last in the NFL.

I would joke that he’s turning into Tim Tebow but at least Tebow could run. Nix has 37 rushing yards this year (Joe “The Stump” Burrow has 48). Maybe this is the ankle injury. Maybe the Broncos can make this work but in fantasy this doesn’t appear to be working. He is QB22 in a 12 team fantasy league.

Smack talk award of the week:

Nice work in the chat this week. We had a bit of fun with foul eggs and I must admit, I have wondered about the free range spitting of water, Gatorade and other fluids in these stadiums. Real grass is one thing but a lot of these are turf. Where in the hell does that stuff go and who deals with it?

Ultimately I decided to give the award to the Piper, mostly for integrating multimedia into his chat. First we had some OC with the photo of the pipe band but then he followed it up with the “The Cosmic Scale”. I was unfamiliar with that one but then again, I am more “The Unknown Cosmic” type – with a paper bag over my head.

Welcome to fantasy hell award of the week:

I could not help feeling a bit sorry for BK, who had one of those “life without the big cats” kind of weeks. It proved the perfect time for the Giants to bench their lead back and naturally Jameis picked this same week to finally remember he is a scorpion, just when BK the frog had carried him half way across the river.

Scott must have felt a bit like Coach Matthau in the Bad News Bears, calling Ken Walker’s name in every single huddle and hoping he could single-handedly get the victory before his legs fell off. He might have been able to do it if Adams and McLaurin hadn’t left.

Lastly I just had to laugh when Blake Grupe kicks his first FG for the Rams and then blows his knee out trying to leg tackle Devin Duvernay on the sideline during the ensuing kick-off. Dude, just make a reasonable-looking attempt to push the guy out of bounds and if you can’t, then you can’t. You’re like an office worker who just got hired and when they told you to go sharpen your pencil on your first day, you accidentally stabbed yourself and died from lead poisoning.

I’m literally screaming at the TV like Sam Kinison. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!? YOU’RE A KICKER!!!! YOU KICK FOOTBALLS!!! YOU’RE LITERALLY THE ONLY GUY THAT CAN DO IT!!! I’M IN HELL!! OHH!! OHHHHHHHH!!!